Coach Aaron Alexander

Aaron Alexander

Aaron Alexander

Aaron Alexander is renowned by all of his clients as the best dating coach on the planet. He specializes in helping men find happiness by getting more dates with more women.

What To Do When She Starts Pulling Away

It’s painful. You’ve gotten through the pickup part. Maybe it was going well and now she is pulling away. It could be that one of her friends got in her head and said something not so nice about you and now she’s worried more about her social standing with her friends. It could be that things are getting more serious and she was thinking: “Well I never really planned for things to get that serious with this guy.” It could be a number of things. It could even have been the sex, you need to make sure that you’re dominant and masculine in the bedroom. There’s a lot of reasons why she might start pulling away and it hurts and that’s why you’re here.

woman, girl, lady

1. My Girl Is Pulling Away?!

The girl you’re seeing is just not as invested as she once was, it sucks. It sucks man but i’m gonna tell you right now what you have to do. There’s only one thing that you can do.

So a lot of times when somebody starts pulling away from us, we start acknowledging the pull away. We send messages like: “Hey haven’t seen ya in a while, haven’t heard much from ya lately, I wanna figure it out, I wanna find out what’s going on.”

The truth is that human beings are mostly wired to avoid conflict, and I always say that a big reason why women flake on dates is that it’s going to be awkward. She’s afraid that there’s going to be awkward silences, she’s afraid that it’s gonna be a struggle for conversation, it’s to avoid conflict. So a girl doesn’t want to have the conversation about why she’s pulling away.

Eventually she may end up telling you why she is pulling away, but the worst thing you can do is try to get it out of her. And not only that but also when you continue to push, let’s say she just genuinely was busy with work or genuinely in a bad headspace or something. Now you look needy and weird saying: “Why are you pulling away?” when really she was just doing her own thing. Maybe you’ve been taking it more seriously than she has been the whole time. So you don’t want to ask or try to get answers

2. The Pitbull Metaphor

There is a metaphor. They say when you own a pitbull, if your pitbull gets off the leash and tries to run away the worst thing you can do is chase your pitbull. It will think it’s a game of tag and continue to run further and further away from you. What pitbull owners do to get their pitbull back is they stop, stare at the pitbull, then run away from the pitbull. The pitbull thinks this is a game and starts chasing them. And then they get their pitbull back.

Unfortunately it’s the same thing for women, if she starts pulling away, then you need to start.

3. Become The Pull-Away King!

If she starts to pull away or not talk as much, then you need to not talk as much. I don’t care what this is, if you’re having casual sex, you’re in a relationship, if she wants space you need to show her: “I have no problem giving you space and I don’t need you.” That’s the only way to get a girl coming back.

Now not only that but you must also maintain whatever lifestyle you’ve already built up. Let’s say you’ve already been going out with people, parties, park with your friends, social gatherings, etc.  You have to continue to do that, and showing that, you’re unfazed, you flick up in the gym sometimes? Keep flicking up in the gym. So making sure that she knows that this is not affecting you, even if it is. There is no value in being vulnerable, opening up and saying: “I just really think that we haven’t been talking as much, and I miss you blah blah blah.” All this does is take away the mystery for the girl, it makes the relationship boring for her.

You must be the fucking pull-away king if you expect to get this girl back. 

So anytime a woman starts pulling away. Remember you are a king, you are a god. Remember your value, and pull away as well, and you create that distance. You say: “You want space? Here you go.”  

And what happens is you now stand apart from all the other cuck-ass dudes in her life that would hit her up: “Hey I haven’t heard from you in a while, really starting to wonder what’s going on.” This girl might not want a codependant dude, most girls do not want codependent dudes. So when she starts pulling away, then you show her that you’re the pull-away king and all will be well!