Coach Aaron Alexander

Aaron Alexander

Aaron Alexander

Aaron Alexander is renowned by all of his clients as the best dating coach on the planet. He specializes in helping men find happiness by getting more dates with more women.

The Real Reason You Can’t Approach Women

A lot of guys think that the one thing that makes them not approach is approach anxiety

If i asked you what is it that scares you. Your answer is likely that you’re afraid of failure or afraid to get rejected. But let’s look at this logically. The logical advice is: “Strangers’s thoughts of you don’t matter, it doesn’t matter what somebody thinks.” Now if i send you up to 10 girls in Los Angeles California and it’s not in your city and you’re still afraid to do it, you know that when you go back to Wyoming you know that those women rejecting you won’t affect you in any way. So is it that you’re afraid of rejection or is it something more nefarious?

1. It’s Not Fear Of Rejection And It’s Not Fear Of Failure

Logically we know others’s opinions don’t matter but we’re still afraid to talk to women

So why are we afraid? It’s not what you’re really afraid of. What you are actually afraid of is facing the tension that comes with feeling like a weirdo.

If i were to send you to a walmart and had you put on a pink dress and walk all around the walmart, again even in another city you’d be scared to do it. What’s going to happen while you’re afraid in that moment?

  • Your face gets flushed
  • You start getting nervous
  • Your cheeks tingle
  • You start feeling your body trembling
  • Shortness of breath
  • Everything gets a little blurry
  • You’re having basically a panic attack

This same thing happens while you’re approaching, you feel it, she feels it, and it ends up in you really self loathing and self hating. It’s the tension that comes, the nervous energy that happens within an approach.

This same fear of tension is actually why 99% of women will flake when they agree to go on a date with you. Think about it, they’re already a little bit nervous about it, and they think it’s going to be scary, they think that they’re gonna get on the date and that they’re gonna run out of things to say, or that you’re gonna run out of things to talk about, and nobody’s gonna have a good time. This is a fear of tension.

girl, red hair, makeup

2. So How Do You Overcome Fear of Tension?

Right now you are probably trying to do everything you can to get better with women. Literally everything you can to get better at game and better with woman and to get more girls.

Everything you can without actually approaching and facing this tension…

There’s famous quote:
“Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth” ~ Mike Tyson

All the training in the world does not prepare you for the moment that you get hit in the face by a beast like Mike Tyson. When you get in the ring there is nothing that can prepare you for that moment. You even hear this in the military when men train for combat and when the moment comes, men crumble, this is not a dig at those men, but there literally is just no substitute, nothing that can train you for combat besides combat itself.

So you can continue to do your little meditations. You can continue to mentally masturbate to pickup videos and blogs. You can continue to tell yourself that one day you’re going to be a high value man and that one day the women are going to come to you. Whatever fairytale you want to tell yourself, It doesn’t matter if you go to the gym, work on your business, or fix your fashion. None of this will prepare you for the tension of talking to women. I can promise you that the only way that you will ever get better with women is by: Stacking Leads and Going On Dates. That is it.

You must approach more women, and invite them to do shit. But in order to do this, you need to get into the combat zone and face the tension of talking to women.

This is also why I hate online dating. Men use it as a way to avoid the tension of talking to women. Now in today’s world, although I hate online dating, I’m pretty good at it. I still don’t want to get swiped on these girls that are less attractive than the ones I bang from cold approach due to the superficial nature of these apps. However if I had no women in my life at all, I’d be scouring the online dating apps. I’d be on them, I’d be optimizing my photos. Because I need to stack leads and go on dates in order to be good at game.

If you want, you can even check out my complete comprehensive course for online dating titled Panty Soaking Texts right here:

3. Stack Leads And Go On Dates

You must get a shit ton of leads and you must go on dates. This is the ONLY way to get better at game.

If you’re gonna keep doing your meditations and your book-readings to get better as a man then you’re going to see that you still have no women in your life and you’re going to wish that you started stacking more leads and going on dates. Going on dates in the ultimate practice with women, you get to actually talk to them for hours at a time in a setting centered around fun and dating, most guys have never even gone on a date, there’s just this whole world of dating that you know nothing about. Women are more experienced than most of you on dates, because you’re doing your meditations and working on all this self development, there is just no substitute.

I know quite a few guys that really shit on game, they’re not the guys that have a lot of girls.

A lot of cool motherfuckers that I meet out in the world, these guys are cool motherfuckers that have hooked up with a bunch of girls. These are guys that have done well with game back then, they hear about the game and they go: “Fuck i wish i had that back when i started bro, I would’ve cleaned up even more.”

It’s always these real dorky guys that never had much luck with women that really hate on the game and really hate approaching, and so all I ask is that you look objectively at what you’ve done and ask yourself: “Do I have the results that I’ve wanted with women? Have I slept with bad bitches? Have I ever had multiple girls fucking obbsessed with me?  Do I have girls blowing me up, dying to come over, dying to come over and suck my dick? Dying to date me? Have I ever even had any of the results I’ve wanted with women?”

Most of the time the answers probably gonna be fucking no

So if everything you’ve been doing hasn’t been working now I want you to ask yourself:

“Have I done enough approaches?” and if you’re not approaching consistently, if you’re not talking to a lot of girls consistently and going on a lot of dates then the answer is no. If you haven’t been on a shit ton of dates. I’m talking 100 or more, then you have not been stacking up enough leads and talking to enough women. End of fucking story.

So to wrap up you’re not afraid of rejection, nor of failure. You’re afraid of the tension that comes from being in your interactions because you feel strange for doing pickup. You feel strange because isn’t normalized for you. You must become as comfortable in an approach as you are talking to your fucking grandma, you must become as comfortable doing an approach as you are sitting in your fucking bed watching fucking television. And if you haven’t gotten to that point yet then you need to stack more leads and go on more dates.

I am very passionate about this topic because I am sick of all these guys telling me “I’ve been doing this, that, and the other thing” blah blah blah. You haven’t been doing shit! You’re avoiding the actual fucking combat! And you’re living your life in training, stop avoiding the combat and stop living your life in fucking training and using it to avoid the combat. Run headfirst into adversity in order to get more comfortable in the tension that comes with talking to women.